


I Read About the Afterlife, But I Never Really Lived

by adventurepants



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventurepants/pseuds/adventurepants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, Blair the Vampire Slayer.  "Blair reached into her bag and closed her hand around sharp wood, and after that it was all autopilot, muscle memory.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Read About the Afterlife, But I Never Really Lived

It was easy to keep it a secret. Her father had left them for France, for someone else, and her mother paid even less attention to her now than when their family had been intact. Nate was sweet, but oblivious, to _everything._ And the one person who would have noticed, the one person she couldn’t hide anything from, was gone.

Blair was alone.

Dorota had to have known something- she did all of Blair’s laundry, she’d seen the blood on her clothes- but she would never ask. Blair wished she had a way to thank her for that. She wished there was some way to reassure Dorota, because she knew that she worried, that she was fine. That Dorota was safer if she didn’t know what was going on.

Her watcher was strict, and put up a fight when she informed him one afternoon that she was going to her mother’s party that night instead of patrolling.

“Concessions have been made for you, Blair. I’ve allowed you to remain at home, to continue attending your school. But I cannot allow you to ignore your responsibilities.”

Blair gripped the wooden stake in her hand tightly. “People will die tonight whether I’m out there or not. I’m tired. And I’m taking a night off.”

“You can’t-” he began, but Blair interrupted him.

“I can. I’m not leaving my home tonight. My mother’s having a party, and she’ll notice if I’m not there. She’ll ask questions.” Truthfully, Blair wasn’t sure that she would, but her watcher wouldn’t know that. He didn’t ask about her personal life, and she didn’t offer.

She tossed the stake on the table in the training room, and turned to leave. “I won’t be needing that tonight.”

*

Blair wanted one night, just one, to be a normal teenage girl. To feel like the old Blair, whose life made sense. The apartment full of people was stifling, and she pulled Nate into her bedroom and onto her bed. She closed her eyes and tried to think only of him, of his lips on hers and his hands in her hair, his body pressed against her own.

They fit together, she thought. Sometimes she felt like Nate was the only thing left in her life that made sense, and then she couldn’t believe she was that girl, whose life was held in place by a boy. But he loved her, and she could count on him. She didn’t have a best friend anymore, no real friends at all, truthfully, so Nate was what kept her grounded.

He moved against her, his kisses becoming more insistent, and she thought that tonight might finally be the night it would happen. But he pulled away, listening to something outside Blair’s door. “Serena’s here?”

Blair tugged on his arm, trying to pull him back to her. “No, Nate, Serena’s at school.”

Nate ignored her. “Come on, don’t you want to say hi?”

He was gone before she had a chance to answer. “No,” she said to the empty room.

*

Serena had only been gone for six months, but she looked measurably different, somehow. Seeing her put a tight knot in Blair’s chest, and she wished she could just make this not matter. It _shouldn’t_ matter, she told herself- Serena wasn’t her best friend anymore. She wasn’t the same girl- someone who would never leave Blair, because she knew what it felt like to be left behind.

But there she was, with that same wide smile and artfully messy golden hair, and Blair wanted nothing more than to run to her, wrap her arms around her and cry into her shoulder, and tell her how much she missed her.

She didn’t. Being a Waldorf had taught her discipline long before being a Slayer demanded it.

*

Serena asked Blair to meet her the next night, to talk. To catch up. Blair declined. “I don’t think I have anything to say to you, Serena.”

Serena looked hurt, but seemed to shake it off. “I have things to tell you, though. Can’t we just… can’t we just try to go back to normal?”

“After you left? After you slept with my boyfriend?”

Serena winced as if Blair had slapped her. “So you knew.”

“Of course I knew. So if you thought you could come back and everything would be just like it used to be, you’re dumber than I thought you were. We’re not friends. And I don’t have anything to say to you.” Serena’s eyes were wet, and Blair left quickly. She had always taken care of Serena, had mothered her when Lily failed to, and she didn’t think she could watch her cry and still keep her resolve.

Blair ignored her phone for the rest of the day, and deleted her watcher’s voicemails without listening to them. She hoped he would give her one more night before he came looking for her.

It was a naïve wish, and as she sat alone at the bar where she and her under aged classmates were served alcohol without question, she didn’t have to look to know that her watcher was standing behind her. Her freaky Slayer abilities did have their practical uses at times.

“I tried to reach you multiple times, today.”

“I know.”

“Blair, I cannot allow you to continue blatantly disregarding your responsibilities. I know it’s difficult, but this isn’t just about you. It’s about the safety of the community. Of the world.”

Blair scoffed. “The world. That’s ridiculous.”

Her watcher ignored her. “You should be practicing, honing your abilities. Can you tell me if there’s a vampire in this room right now?”

Blair sighed, agitated. “Of course. In the corner,” was her immediate response.

“You have to concentrate.” He was irritated, Blair could tell, and it pleased her.

“I don’t need to. Look at him! No self-respecting Upper East Side teenager from this decade would wear that,” she said sharply, although she would have known anyway. She could feel it, without looking at him, and it made the back of her neck prickle. His presence in the bar put her whole body on alert, but she chose to ignore that, and focus instead on her own finely honed snobbery.

“And the girl with him?” her watcher answered mildly.

The girl with him. She had joined him a few minutes before, though Blair hadn’t noticed her yet. Her back was to them, but Blair didn’t need to see her face to recognize her instantly.

It was Serena. They were leaving together.

“Human,” Blair said, her heart thumping in panic.

*

Whether she would follow them was not a question. No matter who the girl was, Blair would follow them and save her, because that was her job now. The fact that it was Serena made no difference, Blair told herself, though she felt a heightened sense of urgency that made it hard for her to trail them silently at a safe distance.

They walked along dark streets, Serena giggling and swaying tipsily, until the vampire pulled them into an alley, a seductive smile on his face.

Blair reached into her bag and closed her hand around sharp wood, and after that it was all autopilot, muscle memory. A stake through his back as he leaned toward Serena’s neck, before he had a chance to touch her. Serena gasped, but didn’t scream, stumbling backwards as dust swirled around her. “What… what happened?”

Blair dropped the stake back into her bag. “That guy wasn’t who you thought he was.”

Serena blinked, shivered as she brushed his remains off of her coat. “What… what was he?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Serena clutched at her purse to still her shaking hands. “Blair… what are _you?_ ”

Blair turned to walk away. “It doesn’t matter.”

*

Blair spent the next week being rude to Nate and avoiding Serena, but neither of them would leave her alone. Every time she snapped at Nate, or ducked away as he tried to kiss her, he just looked at her with a pitiful puppy dog face and continued following her around. And God, she hated herself for it but she didn’t want him gone.

Serena was equally persistent, trying to corner Blair at her locker, at classroom doors, on the Met steps, and at her home- where Dorota, bless her, didn’t ask questions when Blair told her to please continue telling Miss Serena that she was not home.

It was Blair’s own fault, she thought. She was, on the surface, harsh and cold and difficult to deal with, and having been in her life since birth had taught Nate and Serena resilience.

At least she could be alone at night, continuing to give Nate the excuse of too much homework, though this was little comfort when her alone time was spent almost entirely in graveyards.

She perched delicately on a headstone, next to the fresh grave of a newborn vampire who should be rising any minute, and examined her nails. Her calling made it impossible to keep a manicure looking decent, and this was very nearly the worst thing about it. A twig cracked on the ground not far away, and she snapped to attention.

“Serena?” Blair’s voice was a mix of surprise and deep irritation. “What are you doing here?”

Serena shrugged. “I wanted to see you.”

Blair rolled her eyes. “This isn’t exactly one of our old hang outs.”

Serena bit her lip sheepishly and looked down. “I followed you.”

Blair’s mouth fell open for a moment, before she remembered who she was and snapped it shut. She should _know_ when someone’s following her. Maybe her watcher was right, she should be concentrating. There were a million things she could have said to Serena at that moment, but the one she settled on was the one that mattered the most. “It’s not safe for you to be here.”

“But it’s okay for you? Blair, what’s going on? You stabbed that guy in the alley and he just _exploded_ , and you won’t tell me what’s happening. I’m scared, B.” Serena wrapped her arms around herself, holding in a shudder.

Blair shook her head. “You should go home, Serena. You’ll be safe there.”

Serena opened her mouth to protest, but before she could speak, the ground beside them erupted, and a hand clawed its way out of the dirt. The newly awakened vampire was clumsy, crazed with thirst, and Blair staked him as soon as he was halfway out of the ground.

Serena stumbled backwards as Blair kicked at clumps of unearthed grave, trying to even them out. She glanced at Serena, arms still clutching her own abdomen, and sighed, frustrated. “He was a vampire,” she said.

She took a step towards Serena, who looked pale and fragile in a way that reminded Blair a bit too much of how she had looked when they were fourteen, when Blair told her she had to go to the hospital because she hadn’t stopped throwing up like she promised she would. Blair didn’t know what to make of the fact that she was the only person who could scare Serena like this.

“But he’s gone?”

Blair nodded. “He’s gone. And there aren’t anymore, so you’re fine.”

Serena gradually let her arms fall to her sides. “What are you?” she asked, for the second time.

Blair let out an annoyed puff of air. “You say ‘what’ like I’m some kind of monster, too.” Serena didn’t answer, so she continued. “I’m a vampire slayer. It sounds stupid, I know, but all it means is that I’m stronger than I used to be, and I have this annoying older man in my life now who follows me around and tells me I need to hone my craft.”

Serena blinked, and shook her head. “I don’t—You never told me.”

Blair shrugged. “It happened right after you left.”

“You could have called.”

“You could have called _me_. You left _me_ , Serena, and I needed you! And I knew you slept with my boyfriend, it was all over his face after that wedding. But you were gone, and he was all I had left. And without you here, there was nothing to distract him from me.”

Serena shook her head again. “He wasn’t all you had left.”

Blair wanted to slap her, but she held back. “Oh yeah? Kati and Iz? They’re barely half a person put together. My father left, and my mother likes her dresses more than she likes me. Nate’s the only one left. I would rather have had you. I still would have wanted you, even after what you did. But you abandoned me. And then this thing happened to me, and I couldn’t tell anyone. And I was alone.”

Serena drew in a shaky breath, and rubbed furiously at the few tears she couldn’t blink back. “I’m so sorry, B. I missed you so much. But I thought it would be better that way, if I took myself away from you, because I didn’t deserve you anymore.”

“Why did you come back?”

Serena looked down. “I hated boarding school. And I missed home, and I had to see, if… if maybe you’d be my best friend again. If we could go back to how it used to be.”

Blair’s expression softened almost involuntarily. “It doesn’t happen as easy as all that, S,” she said, using the nickname for the first time since Serena had come home.

“I know. I just… hoped.” She eyed the overturned ground. “He’s really gone?”

Blair offered her hand to Serena. “Come on, S. I’ll walk you home. We’ll talk in the morning.”


End file.
